So, I was talking to an ex earlier this week for some reason. We never really parted on sour terms or anything, though admittedly we didn't part on good terms either. That was a really... bizarre... relationship. We spent many hours sitting within close vicinity, but never actually talking, silently at combat over who was going to pull the "Why aren't you paying attention to me?" card first. Him being a manipulative son of a bitch would pull out all the stops to see at which point I would break. Myself, being keen enough to see that he was trying to manipulate me, and also being a stupid stubborn ass mule would ignore him and watch movies while he played video games. Which, in hindsight, probably wasn't the best use of my time, but I justify my actions by lacking anything else better to do and general avoidance of loneliness.
Eventually, seeing the relationship for what it was... (I hesitate to say that he used me, because I knew exactly what he was doing, didn't put much emotional value at stake, and quite frankly, was probably using him just as much as he was using me)... we broke up.
Though, like I said, we didn't part on bad terms, just not good ones. We tried to do the friendship thing, but I realized that this prolonged interaction that we had eventually left me extremely guarded around him, and he really brings out the worst part of my lack of humanity. I guess it doesn't help that he can be a complete asshole that says really awful things just to get a rise out of people. Or at least he used to be, from what he tells me. But still, a part of me just goes cold when engaging in a conversation with him, and any sense of emotion just completely ices over. I turn into this completely unfeeling empty shell of a person, which really scares the crap out of me.
I used to feel that way a lot in my younger years. Growing up in an abusive environment, I learned to segregate myself from certain emotions in order to survive. Which later resulted in developing a vast social awkwardness that I'm still prone to fall victim to every now and again. A years worth of therapy, and a complete overhaul of a life change later, it still catches up to me. How humbling.
But... such is the way with ex's though, no?
